36 Weeks and Life Lately

Hey guys. Hows it been going? Are you as tired as I am? 

So, let's just jump into this, shall we? 

I am 36 1/2 weeks pregnant. And I don't know what happened but I feel like this week hit me like a bus. Or better yet, I was the bus and I was cruising down the highway doing great and than 36 weeks hits and I ran out of gas and the tires have fallen off. I am just fried. I feel run down and mentally I'm all sorts of fuzzy. Sleep hasn't been great (but it hasn't been great for months now). It's bizarre, I just feel so worn out. 

I had my weekly OB/GYN appointment on Tuesday and honestly, I thought they were going to tell me something predictive but NOPE. The baby looks great and her heart beat is strong and is moving plenty. He checked my cervix (which is SO uncomfortable when you are massively pregnant, oye!) and low and behold, it is completely closed. He jokingly said "well, you won't be having a baby tonight!". And truth be told, I don't want her to come too SOON but I do want her to be full term and to come on her OWN because that makes chances much better for having a successful VBAC. But, there is always next week! 

Above: A pic of me and Geddy when he was feeling quite grumpy one day. He will always be my little dude. FOREVER.

Below: Geddy found out that he could plank on things. I have no idea where he got this funny idea but he was doing it one day and asked me to take a picture because he wanted to show Daddy. So we took a picture and text it to Chad.

Above: Geddy has grown really fond of stickers lately! I have had to go to the craft store a lot lately (this last project I am working on is driving me CRAZY. Details coming soon.) and instead of buying him a foam head (Hobby Lobby has weird stuff) we have found the sticker aisle. Here we put all his stickers on a paper and again, he asked if we could take a picture and send it to Dad. So we did.

Below: Scout's Nursery is NEARLY done. Only one more thing to hang and a dollhouse to finish (that is my current project that is driving me nuts). I hope to take a bunch of nice pictures and posting them on here. Stay tuned for that. It will happen, I swear. But here is one of the pictures that we put up above the crib. I really love it. And that pom pom garland? I made it. And it was SO frustrating. Why do I ever craft?! Haha... 

Above: 36 1/2 Weeks! I am wearing no makeup (even though I have been doing pretty good at wearing at least mascara each day) and an awesome Star Wars shirt (which I actually love). I am completely running out of clothes, like my maternity jeans are in the past. I am just embracing that sweats, leggings, and dresses are what I will be wearing until this kid makes her debut.

Below: Another little glimpse of Scout's nursery. More to come.

Above/Below: This boy. He is so energetic and passionate and absolutely my everything. He has no idea how his life will change in the next few weeks but even if he has a tough transition, it will be one of the biggest blessings in his life. I just hope they learn to love each other and become fast friends. That is my REAL hope. It's incredible how much I love him.

And lastly. I have this issue. Let me explain.

I am a big planner and list maker. I am sure that I have explained that on here before. So, I have been busy and stressing about getting things SO prepared before this baby comes. And I have been doing this for months. I keep adding to my list and thinking of more things that would be so good to have accomplished. But I have been doing it for so long, that I am not ready to be done. BUT my brain. can't. STOP. It's almost like the nesting has taken over and here I am now feeling really worn out that I am now fighting the nesting instinct and my body telling me to STOP with the prepping. It will all work out. And I am not putting myself in any danger but I am annoying myself.

And that is life lately. Chad is super busy with school and work and being a superb Father and Husband. I am busy making this baby and keeping our current little dude happy and healthy. Bobbie, our lady pup, has been acting WEIRD lately. I think she knows the baby is coming soon. You know, it's like animals who can sense natural disasters or aliens (hahah, not that my birth will be a natural disaster...I hope). But we are excited to celebrate Easter with all our families and enjoy General Conference. I do love this time of year.

Oh and I have hit the phase of the pregnancy where I become a recluse. I am unsocial and don't make many plans because I just can't do it. And I am totally okay with that. It's like I am starting to roost and cook this egg. And it continues on through the first month or two after the baby comes. Some people crave that social release during those early newborn months but that is just NOT me. I stay in where I am comfortable and get into a good routine with my family. That is just what I need during this time. We all need different things in that way and I never intend to offend anybody but I just bunker down please, no one be offended or concerned!

That's all!

Happy Thursday!



The Latest

Cookie dust and glasses at the store. 

This week was brutal. Poor Chad started feeling some jaw pain on Friday (last week). He thought maybe he had been clenching his teeth while he was sleeping so, he didn't really sweat it. It progressed and got more uncomfortable until Sunday Morning at 4am when he was in so much pain that he had to drive himself to the ER (Geddy was asleep and Chad didn't want us to wake him). It was so extremely sad sending him to the ER by himself. Especially because Chad really dislikes hospitals, they make him nervous and feel sick, it's just not his favorite place.

They gave him some pain meds and an antibiotic because they assumed that it was something with an infection in one of his molars. In hopes that the antibiotic would clear it up, we waited a day before calling the dentist but because it persisted, we contacted a new Dentist (because we really disliked our old Dentist) and had him take a look at it on Monday. Turns out that he has an infection in his jaw bone from an old root canal.

Even the pain meds they gave him didn't take away the pain away completely. It was terrible to see him in so much pain. The dentist referred us to an Endodontist and the soonest we could get him in was on Wednesday morning. We all went to the appointment and it lasted for what felt like ETERNITY. The office was really really WARM. Now, being pregnant and already easily overheated as a part of who I am, I was dying. I thought I was uncomfortable, poor Chad had his mouth worked on for 2 full hours. He said it was the worst dental experience he's ever had, not because of the Doctor (he really like the Doctor) but because it was painful and his already incredibly sore jaw had to be open for 2 hours straight plus they had to pull out old posts. AND he too thought it was WAY too hot for comfort.

Worst of all, he has to go back this Wed to finish the process. They drill through the tooth and basically have to clean and medicate the infected area (roots/jaw). Imagine 2 hours of that. So, yeah, he is still on the mend. I wish I could say that I was the perfect support this week but we all had our moments where we were snappy at each other and being 8+ month pregnant, I am overly sensitive and emotional and frankly, just HUGE. Haha, I am tired but I tried my BEST to be super supportive/comforting. And in the end, we can all admit how much we still love each other.

I am desperate for things to get back to normal. And so is Chad, of course. He and I are both creatures of habit so when things get crazy, we all get out of whack.

Sleeping at Dad's dentist appointment. 

Geddy NEVER naps anymore so this picture is capturing something so rare and sweet. Geddy napped on my lap for a good 30 minutes. He was all sweaty and cuddly and I was totally happy to have him close like that again. And look at those lips! They kill me.

On Wednesday, after Chad's brutal Dentist appointment, I ran Geddy to get his haircut. The poor kid was going nuts with hair in his eyes. It's funny, I never realize how bad he needs a haircut until after he gets one and then I think "Wow! Why didn't I do this sooner?" Seriously he would get so frustrated with his bangs in his face. Anywho, he LOVED getting it done. The salon has all these awesome toys and fun seats for kids and he was just completely pumped. He chose the Hippo to sit on this time and giggled while the clippers buzzed by his ears. This boy is amazing. He truly is. Then he chose a purple balloon and red sucker. He was truly happy with his experience.

And after!

And lastly, I snapped a picture of Geddy doing something JUST like his Daddy. Crossing his ankles. And it's not just the fact that he was doing it but the exact way he did just SCREAMED Chad and I loved it. Isn't it funny how these tiny little people have moments that are just like their parents. It's wonderful. I love seeing those little moments.

Crossed ankles like Dad. 

We also finally got our taxes filed. That is always a big relief and was stressing us out as well. I am relieved to have them done. We also had to figure out our new lease situation because we have now been in our apt for a year. These were both things that were going through my mind over and over and over. It's that kind of stuff that I can obsess over and it will drive me nuts. I think that all of that and then Chad's poor jaw this week has made me a crazy person. I am sure that I haven't been the most pleasant to be around.

With the baby coming so soon (like, SO soon), I wanted Chad to be sure to get in one more camping trip before our little lady makes her grand entrance. So he and two close buddies went down south to hike and camp for two nights. I was so worried that all this jaw/tooth problem would make it so he couldn't go but he was feeling well enough to. Which I am so glad, he deserves a big break. And once this baby shows up, he won't have a chance to for a bit.

That was our week. Hectic and stressful and exhausting but we are happy. I am grateful that this baby is still moving and kicking. She is doing really well, we had an OBGYN appt on Tuesday and blood pressure and her heartbeat look beautiful. Hurrah!

Happy Thursday!



The Longest Day of the Week

Tuesdays are our longest day of the week. It starts with Chad leaving at 8 am for work and it doesn't end until he gets home after 8 pm when Geddy has already been bathed and put to bed (yes, he goes to bed when it's still light out). 

Although I am the perfect Mother and never have rough days (HAHAHAHAHA), tonight ended with me putting Geddy down for the night (he was actually a wonderful boy for me today except for the major tantrum he threw at the Preschool Tour we took this afternoon, not embarrassing at all. But really, he was sweet after that incident) I busted out the bag of mini Cadburry Eggs and thought I would give myself a little laugh while watching Dance Moms (that's right, I said Dance Moms). 

So, to preface a bit. Chad does this thing that we call a "hoot-a-nanny". It's where he will go on his own Pinterest Board, where he has pinned all the funny things he has seen/liked, and just giggle to himself over things that he has seen several times before but they still make him laugh. It drives me crazy sometimes because I feel like I am left out on the joke because I am not sitting right next to him looking at them with him, I am usually fluttering around doing something not worth mentioning. It's like he has an inside joke that I am not in on. Rude. But it's cute and funny and I love him for it. 

Tonight, I did my own hoot-a-nanny and went on my own funny Pinterest Board and relished and giggled in the silly things that still make me laugh (regardless of how dumb they are). 

SO, I am bringing them to you now. They may make you laugh (I hope they do and I hope you are enjoying some Cadburry Eggs as well because they are baller). 

I'm a Bear
This is not at all political so don't even start. 
Oh Bucky. 
The horror in her face. 

And Happy Birthday BTVS!

Happy Tuesday!


P.S. I found all of these on Pinterest so...


Another Update

So I haven't blogged in almost a month. Oh man, I am the worst. I am just so distracted by other things, it's crazy. But I thought I would do an iPhone Camera dump on here with a little update of how things are going. 

First of all, Geddy is amazing. Talking like crazy and singing and dancing and saying funny things that make me giggle when he isn't looking. He is seriously my best little buddy. My heart just bursts and I worry CONSTANTLY that I am failing him. I have been blessed with this precious, vibrant, spirit and I just think "don't mess this up, don't mess this up!". He is a wonderful boy, completely fantastic, including the tantrums and barbaric screams that come our way from time to time. What a joy he is. An absolute wonder. 

On Tuesday we are going to take a tour of a preschool, just he and I. I am nervous and feel nauseous even thinking about it because I can't fathom the idea of him leaving me for a few hours each week like that but he is so ready. SO ready. I just need to get my butt ready (I will be bringing tissues for the first day of class. Believe me). He is basically a big boy now. Not really a toddler (except for the tantrums) and certainly not a baby. Oh gosh, I could just go on and on about how much I love this kid. Instead, here are 3 pictures of him that are almost identical but different enough that I wanted all 3 on record. 

Chad's semester is going well. He is working his butt off and so busy and frankly, a bit stressed with school, work, being a stellar husband and father all while preparing to become a Father for the second time. I know many people probably think, wow, he has the crappy end of the stick in their situation but as of right now, it's what is working out for our family. He is busy and works so hard and I try to do my best to help in all ways that I can, doing as much of the home stuff as possible so that when he is home, it's spent with the people he loves. I try my darnedest to make home a haven for him so after he has worked so hard he has somewhere happy to come home to. It sounds like the motto of a 1950's housewife (which I am SO not, by the way) but I feel like it's something that I can do for him. 

Geddy at the Library while we waited for Daddy to finish his test. 

Let's be honest though, he comes home sometimes and there is a 3 year old yelling at Mom saying "no fair!" and a hormonal, pregnant lady who forgets to give him a welcome home kiss and hug because she is not all together doing so hot herself and he may wish he was back at work or school but I feel like those days are usually few and far between. It's all about team work. And, by golly, I have the BEST team that I could ask for.

Plus, Chad has the support of our Lady Pup who ADORES him. Oh my goodness it's annoying sometimes (not really, it's actually pretty dang cute). She follows him everywhere he goes. And when he studies at the kitchen table, you will find her laying on the ground at his feet. And when I try and be sweet and call her name she looks at me and doesn't budge. She is certainly loyal! 

A funny little picture below. Right after I made the bed and fluffled all our pillows (we have a crap load of pillows), Bobbie jumps up, tramples all of them and lies right in the middle of the furthest pillow. I caught her and asked her to hop off and she just stared at me like so. I giggled and left her be and that was where she spent a majority of her morning, sleeping in the soft daylight on the biggest pillow in the house. This dog. Who is she, seriously?

I spy our Lady Pup on the back pillow!

So, I am officially 33 weeks along! AHHHHH, this has FLOWN by. Holy crap, it's crazy. I have officially hit the exhausted and UBER hormonal phase. Oh my goodness, the hormones. I am sensitive and a bit worried and I can cry at the drop of a hat. I swear I can feel the hormones flooding through my veins. I feel like the hormones this time around has made me more weepy and moody where as with Geddy, I was more anxious. I think it has something to do with the fact that the baby is female and so the hormones are different? Does that sound like a real thing? Regardless, poor Chad. Seriously, POOR CHAD.

He has been SO patient and kind and loving and hasn't taken anything personal. I apologize to him often because I know that girlfriend ain't being herself. My actual anxiety has been pretty good, the medication still helps and I will admit that I expected SOME trouble with moodiness simply because my body is doing crazy pregnancy stuff. So, overall, I am doing well. Emotional and moody, yes. Sick with worry, not so much, which is good!

And then there is the exhaustion. I feel like this set in a bit earlier this time. It started right at the beginning of the 3rd trimester, like clockwork. I could sleep for a stretch of 12 hours and still take a nap in the afternoon. The trouble is that I am tossing and turning and getting up to pee all night, it's just tricky at this stage. Everything gets a tiny bit uncomfortable (or a lot) (but my body pillow has been a GOD SEND. I love it, it's name is Herman). And I will wake up and feel like I was riding a horse all night because my lady bits are so sore! But all I was doing was doing was laying down for several hours! It makes no sense. But then I figure it's my body preparing to have a baby come out that way (rather than a c-section?), or at least it is my hope. Regardless, it's uncomfortable and the waddling has become very real.

BUT the amazing thing about his phase? I feel this baby girl kick LIKE CRAZY. Oh my goodness, I never have to wonder if she is alive because she bumps and grooves like it's nobody's business. It's really strange actually because Geddy was not like this at all. I would worry about him all the time because he was much more quiet. But she is wild. It has been such a wonderful feeling, I have truly loved feeling all the movements.

Behold my dirty bedroom in the background! Me at 32 Weeks. 

In other, entirely unrelated, news: my gums are in so much discomfort right now. It's been a while since I flossed (I got out of the habit in my first trimester because the vomiting was a problem and sticking my fingers in my mouth with string was only making it worse) and so when I decided to really get in there today and clean out some beef that was stuck in my molar (tmi?) I was left with very swollen and sore gums all around. Boo. Not to self: start flossing daily again.

Geddy with two of his best buddies, Avett and Winston! We love these boys!

Lastly, we sold our couch! It was kind of a crazy, last minute, situation where my amazing Mother-in-law found a fantastic leather blend couch for us (we were wanting something that wasn't fabric because we feel like it will be easier to keep clean with children) and so we went almost a week with a big leather blend couch jammed in our dining room and our lovely, gray, couch sitting in our living room so that people could come and look at it. We just posted an add on KSL. It was great, we were able to get a bit of cash for it and we moved in our new couch just yesterday. It is so comfy and feels luxurious and new to me (even though it too was preowned but barely used). I will post pictures of it someday. Haha, I need to do a better job of updating this blog but life is just happening and I am trying to go with the flow of things. I am happier when I live that way.

(Thanks so much Glenna!)

An awesome picture of Geddy with Grandpa Warren!

Lastly, Chad and I are still reading The Two Towers each night before bed and have started watching X-Files again. That show, you guys. I am such a fan. We picked up where we left off last year and just started season 5 and are going strong. I want to believe! And Mulder and Scully. They are just so freaking awesome. And their friendship is equally wonderful and confusing (could there be something more between them? Who knows!). It's just good and we love it.

Okay, that's all.

Happy Late Sunday Night!



This and That

This post is entirely thrown together with random thoughts. Who knows where they will go. Most of them are just updates of life lately and then who knows what else.

First of all, I hope you all heard about how wonderful our appointment went last Friday with the specialist. She was this AMAZING doctor (seriously, I would have happily trusted her with any emergency or high risk pregnancy, Girlfriend had it together). From the get go I was nervous. Chad was so sweet and trying to make me laugh and keep things positive but I had completely lost my personality and just kept sweating and sweating because I was so nervous. And I was so warm, like I could not cool off. Baby be like an oven, ya know? Well, the nurse took us back and did a complete full ultra sound where they check EVERYTHING. I already had this done at 20 weeks but because it was a new office, they wanted to do it again. And frankly, I was totally up for that because better safe than sorry, right? So, the way the nurse did it was strange. She didn't talk very much and had a really hard time finding the things she needed to find (like the chambers of the heart because there was shadows from my ribs). But because she was so quiet, I was thinking the whole time "she found something", "something is wrong with the baby" while sweating and sweating and sweating (I am not a sweaty person until this day).

Turns out, she didn't find anything alarming at all. Baby looks great! She is measuring 4 days bigger than our due date which is fine. She has a great heartbeat and is still a girl! Then the doctor came in took over and made me feel so much better. Oh my goodness, she was just what I needed. Such a breath of fresh air. She showed us everything and took us into a deeper look of the placenta and C-Section scar. Turns out that there is only a very SMALL corner of the placenta that is even touching the scar. Now, there is no way of knowing if the placenta has grown into that scar until the baby is born but she feels incredibly confident that it won't be a problem. She thinks that 1) it's not grown into the scar or 2) if that tiny section had grown into the scar that it would resolve itself and come out on it's own anyway which would mean I would be keeping that wonderful Uterus of mine. Hurrah! She was really reassuring telling me that any risk is incredibly small and that she thinks I am good to go. She even encouraged me trying for a VBAC (vaginal delivery) like I wanted! Oh blessed be.

We felt so incredibly blessed. We know the Lord was with us. And we felt EVERYONE'S love and prayers. Seriously, the outpouring was incredible and I can't thank each of you enough. Thank you for caring and thank you for supporting us.

So, we will be moving forward with the original plan. My normal Doctor's will deliver the baby (like I had hoped) and I will be attempting a VBAC (oh my gosh, I hope I can do it). So, basically, it's a monstrous blessing.

The other day while Geddy was with Grandma Glenna, I found Bobbie laying in Geddy's room.
She secretly loves that kid. 

Today we had to go to the Pediatrician because we have noticed a strange rash on Geddy's back and chest. Oh weird skin conditions, you truly freak me out. I have stupidly sensitive skin and growing up, our Dermatologist was one of my favorite people. I experienced some pretty normal teenage acne but was always there for other weird rashes and things. So when I saw Geddy get these strange red tiny bumps, I felt immediately sorry for him having sensitive skin like his Mama. Sorry little dude. My bad!

So we went and had a "car visit" where we had to have the nurses and doctor come out to us while we waited in the car (I am guessing because of the whole measles outbreak thing, they want to make sure he doesn't have that and get other kids infected). But Geddy did awesome. He really loved having people fuss over him and was flattered by the Doctor's attention. The Doctor came to the conclusion that he has Pityriasis Rosea or the "Christmas Tree" rash (which is not nearly as charming as it sounds). Basically, it's not contagious and not an allergic reaction which I was really relieved to hear. He doesn't need meds or anything but it does take 4-6 weeks to go away. Bummer. The rash doesn't seem to be bothering me at all though, which is nice!

While we were there, I should have asked the Doctor how he felt about my adult acne that I have been rocking for the last week or two. It's ridiculous guys. In my third trimester with both my pregnancies I get crazy acne on my chin. And it stays until that baby is out of my body (at least it did last time). Haha, it looks angry and mean and than a day or two after the baby is out, it clears right up. Thanks hormones, you are really adding character to my face.

Chad and I are celebrating Valentine's Day tomorrow and I am so excited. It's funny because we always celebrate V-Day at home by ordering food in and just hanging out with each other but it sounds so nice and relaxing and just what we need (we had a crazy week). We will be eating Indian Food and watching funny movies and then eating cookies. Yes please. And I used to think V-Day was such a dumb day until I had kids. Weird, yes? But I think it's nice to set a specific day aside to celebrate the love that you have for your significant other. Now I look forward to it. And Chad was so cute and helped Geddy make me a Valentines Day Card last night. It included hearts and horses and traces of Geddy's hand and feet (Geddy is REALLY into tracing his hands and feet these days). It made me smile SO big. I was very grateful for the thoughtful gesture from my boys.

Part of our crazy week: coming out of the grocery store to find a flat. This 7 month pregnant
lady was not about to change it. Luckily the spouse and his bff came to help. 

I am nearing the 30 week pregnancy mark in just a few days (which is completely insane!). We are all excited and completely baffled that this baby will arrive in approximately 10 weeks. Seriously, when did that happen? That is so soon. So I have been working on my list of things to do (which is long and extensive). I just finished stocking up on a few packs of diapers and wipes and have gotten sheets for the baby and have washed baby clothes. It's going well but the list seems to be never ending. And she keeps on getting closer to coming and bigger in my belly, I feel like we are in a race and I am worried I might lose! But, she has all the things that she absolutely needs like a place to sleep and a loving family waiting so we're technically good.

So, how about this Utah weather? Has it not been completely glorious? The most suspicious Utah Winter I have ever seen but I choose not to ask questions and just enjoy it. I will happily go outside in this 60 degree weather in February. Also, I bought some Black Birkenstock Sandals right at the end of Summer and thought "I won't even get a chance to wear these before Winter, lame". They have easily been one of the most worn shoes that I own because I wear them ALL the time. I have the lovely weather to thank for that and the fact that I am too lazy (and lumpy) to put on complicated shoes. Haha. Now you know how to be more like me, you're welcome.

So there is a little update for you.

Happy Thursday!



Worrisome News

I debated writing about this today. For a couple of reasons, really. Yesterday, I got some disappointing and fairly alarming news at my OBGYN appt.

And I didn't handle it well. Like, at all.

I had mentioned before that when we found out the baby was a girl at 20 weeks, they mentioned that my placenta was close to my C-Section scar. The Ultra Sound Tech didn't seem terribly concerned and felt confident that it would pull itself away on it's own but explained that they would do another quick ultrasound at 28 weeks pregnant.

I thought very little about it, still keeping it in my prayers but assumed that it would take care of itself because THIS pregnancy/delivery was going to be the one that went completely normal (my first delivery/recovery didn't go at all as planned). Because I have life all figured out, you see.

Well, yesterday was that said appointment. The one where they check the placenta and the scar. What they found wasn't totally a relief.

The placenta is still awfully close and now the cord is also on the scar as well. Forgive my terrible medical lingo, I don't completely understand it myself but the doctors are concerned.

So, bless my Doctor's heart. I really love all the doctor's at my OBGYN office, they are truly fabulous. And I have worked with this particular Doctor before and have really enjoyed my interactions with him but I don't think he was prepared to have to talk to me about this on that day so his delivery was...not his best? And I get it, we all have off days/conversations. And this was one of his "off" days.

The fear is that I have what is called "Placenta Accreta" where the Placenta has grown into or attached itself to my Uterus and more specifically my C-Section Scar.


For those who haven't been reading my blog for long, I had a C-Section with Geddy and the incision had such issues and didn't heal for 6 MONTHS. Months my friends. It was such a nuisance that I of course needed to name it, hence the name Gregory. And low and behold, it has caused more issues. I believe that my end with be from this dang scar. Haha.

So, from what I understand (and again, I don't have a complete understanding of all this medical stuff, so if it sounds butchered, it is) there are different degrees of severity. The worst thing that could happen (and what destroyed me mentally) is that the placenta can be so attached that it cannot be removed without taking out my Uterus. Because if they left it in there I would bleed and bleed and bleed and die (I know, I make it sound dramatic but that's what happens if you never stop bleeding internally).

Now, again, my Doctor is wonderful but the way delivered this possibility was not great and I was by myself and not at ALL expecting anything like this and so I was completely shattered.

I clarified by saying:

"So, no more babies?"

and he confirmed with:


Not knowing how to respond I laughed nervously and tried to let it all sink in. But then he followed up by explaining that the chances of me losing my Uterus were low and that he wasn't worried about it so I shouldn't be. BUT he also explained that I need to see a specialist about it so they can figure out exactly what is going on with it. And I am not gonna lie, he seemed pretty serious about it. He pretended it wasn't a big deal but I think that was to try and help me out of the shock.

I will be first to confess that I didn't handle this news well. Basically, what I heard at this appointment was:

"You're never gonna have anymore kids, oh and we are going to cut out your womanly bits too". That wasn't what he said but that is how a blindsided, pregnant, woman takes it.

Then, my sweet Doctor said "Do you have any questions for me?".

I was so floored by this that I couldn't really think straight so I said:

"No, I don't think so..."

I could tell he felt bad and he tried his best but dangit, he freaked me out. Big time. So he left the room and I just laid there. The sweet technician asked if I was going to be ok and I started balling.

I became completely unglued and she was SO sweet and kind and made me promise to not go home and Google the condition because it would just freak me out more. And I agreed, that wouldn't be a great idea.

I tried to compose myself because I had to still get my blood pressure checked (which was understandably higher), schedule the appointment with the Specialist, and get a form signed for my insurance.

Now, I am the kind of cryer who gets embarrassed and that make me cry more. So I cried off and on for the next 20 minutes at the office in front of people who WEREN'T aware of the situation and thought I was just crazy. I had people ask me if I was ok and that would just embarrass me and make me cry more. Even the kind lady in the elevator who asked if I was okay almost made me mad because I was tired of people noticing. Plus I am pregnant and so hormonal which made the weeping continue. But these people aren't to blame they were just being kind.

You guys, I felt like such a freak. All I could think was "I need to call Chad, I want to call Chad, I don't want to talk to anyone else but my spouse!"

I forgot to schedule my next appointment because I was so frazzled but I couldn't go back inside. I figured I would just call them later. I got in the car and was balling while I called Chad. He answered and I could barely get a sentence out I was so worked up.

I explained to him everything that the Doctor told me and tried to wrap my head around all of it but I was destroyed. Chad was calm and thinking rationally and talked me down. He was concerned but understood that this wasn't a diagnosis it was just something they needed to look into further. I was still so afraid.

My Mom was watching Geddy so I went over to pick him up and she, being the most gentle woman on the planet, looked me in the eyes (everyone on the planet could tell I had been crying) and asked "How are you doing?"

She is so cute. So I cried to her and my Dad, snot and tears everywhere. They were so wonderfully comforting though. They carry such wisdom and an incredible soothing spirit. Geddy kept asking if I was happy and was rather confused with his Mama profusely crying. They were so supportive and offered prayers and that they would notify my family so that we could have everyone pray for us.

They could tell I was still a little bit of a mess (I looked like I was stung by a million bees because my face was so red and swollen from crying) and they offered to keep Geddy a little longer so I could go and get things done (mainly just calm down, haha).

So the rest of the day had some real highs and lows.

The Lowest: Balling while eating a Big Mac in my car and listening to sad songs. Yes, that happened.

The Highest: Getting a blessing from Chad. It brought a lot of peace and great comfort.

I cried off and on the entire rest of the day. By the end, my face was permanently hot and my lips stung.

Where am I now?

This morning, Chad stayed home with me so I wouldn't be CONSUMED by worry about our Specialist appointment tomorrow (on Friday, he will be coming with me this time). Being by myself with my worrisome thoughts can be pretty destructive. I am a professional worrier after all. So he let me sleep in (which does miracles for me) and we took it easy and went on walks and just took the day slow. It was really good.

And I feel a lot of peace. I really feel good about everything.

If worst came to worst and I had to have my Uterus removed, I would be okay. I could survive and would still be happy in life. It would be a huge change in plans but I could do it. And I could adopt kids or just a bunch of dogs (which would be awesome).

Maybe I will have to have a C-section instead of delivering vaginally? That too would be okay. My goal is to have this baby girl be healthy and to keep my Uterus so that I can carry more of my own children. If that comes with another dreaded scar, so be it. I would happily take it.

So currently, we don't know where we stand. Tomorrow we are meeting with the specialist (I have NO idea what he is actually called because they told me during my appt yesterday but I was in a hysteria and couldn't see straight) and we will have another Ultrasound (more extensive than a normal one) and have a long consultation with the Special Doctor. So, I really don't know what is going to happen at all. It's completely up in the air for me (which may be the hardest part).

And why did I freak out so bad? I would really like to have more kids. I planned to. And there is something about not having that capability that would be really hard.

Also, I felt overwhelming failure. I remember thinking over and over again "why can't my body have babies better? Like my friends and sisters and Mom (my mom had EIGHT CHILDREN for Pete's sake!)". What a destructive way of thinking. I am disappointed that I allowed those negative thoughts in my mind.

There is also something that hurt my pride a bit. My first baby almost died and my second baby made it so I couldn't have anymore children and my c-section scar, damn that Gregory (sorry for the swears but it's how I felt) was causing even more problems. I completely acknowledge how horrid and inappropriate those thoughts were but they were very real. I felt guilt. And lame that I can't do it right. I can't do it normal. I have had 2 pregnancies and both have had "super rare" things happen during them. It also scares me to have more pregnancies because who knows what other "rare condition" I'll develop or cause my children to have.

I know, I know, super lame and dramatic. And it's wrong that I allowed myself to jump to the worst. But I did. And I was so upset. And I am admitting it because this blog is where I document the real life stuff. I want to know what dark place I may have been before and compare it to where I am now. This space is about the truth of life, good and bad.

But now I am doing good. I haven't cried once today! Can you believe it? I feel really good about it. And I am ready to hear what the Specialist has to say tomorrow. Because God has a plan for me and my family. And I know that some of you readers may not think that same way and that's okay. But for me, I do. I feel it. I don't have control over everything. But my life has a path and I know that it will all work out and I will still feel happiness.

Can I also say that I was so shocked by the news and the alarming possibilites that I forgot to ask about how the baby was doing?! They didn't say the baby was in any danger but they really didn't talk about how the baby was doing at all and I forgot to ask!  I know that her heart beat sounds really good and strong (the tech said so at the beginning of the appt) and that she is still a girl (hurray!) but I assumed that no news was good news. Going back, I would have asked straight away but that's how blown away I was. Man, Mom fail, right there.

Almost 29 weeks pregnant.

So there you have it. True, honest, word vomit of emotions. I am sorry this post isn't my most eloquent but it was real.

And tomorrow is the big day. We hope to have some real answers and a plan of what will happen for the delivery and the future. Prayers and Positive vibes are totally welcomed if you have any to spare. I will be sure to keep this blog updated on the matter as soon as I know and have time to write it :)

But it's all going to be okay, no matter what happens. I know it.

Happy Thursday!



25 and 28 Weeks Pregnant

He is so old now! Like a little teenager.
Heyyyyy! Wanted to do a quick pregnancy post and mini update. Things are going really good, I am officially 28 weeks pregnant, 3rd Trimester! Say what?!

I get asked often how I am feeling and I must say that I am feeling pretty dang awesome. The nausea has completely disappeared  (it officially ended at about 20 weeks this time around) and I feel more energy and the nesting stage is in full swing which is my favorite. This is the part of pregnancy that I really love. I am feeling this baby kick like mad and I am not SO huge that I can't move. It's a good stage.

25 weeks pregnant.
The only things that are sore are my lower back/right buttock which cramps up and becomes pretty painful if I am on my feet all day (like today) or when I sleep. It's tolerable now but I can tell that as I gain the weight this last trimester, it's gonna be pretty pesty. My feet also hurt after a long day, which is very normal for my pregnancies. Caffeine tastes delicious again which is kind of a bummer because I had the easiest time resisting it at the beginning of this pregnancy (because I was so ill) but now I crave it. So, I just let myself have it from time to time. Like I have to set specific days where I allow myself to have a Coke Slurpee. And you know what? It tastes delicious. Every. Dang. Time.  

This week, I have noticed a lot of really LOW kicks. Like shockingly low. They came out of nowhere. It feels like she has changed positions which it really may to early to actually have happen but who knows. I have my next Doctor's appt tomorrow morning. I am getting another Ultra Sound done to see if the placenta has moved up from my C-Section scar (which is what we want). If it hasn't than I have to see a specialist which would be kinda stressful. I just want so badly for this delivery to go mega smooth. But, I understand that I don't have control over that, I just gotta do my best!

This pregnancy has felt quite a bit different from my last. I remember really loving my entire pregnancy with Geddy. It was a lot easier in some ways but I DO feel like my body knows what it's doing better this time around than before. Although I feel a bit achy and sleeping is tricky, that is really normal for pregnancy in general, I feel like it's more familiar and natural and my body knows how to respond a bit better. I have also mentioned before how bad my anxiety was in my 2nd trimester of my first pregnancy. It was really challenging. This time around, my anxiety has been a lot more contained. I am still on my medication and am incredibly thankful for it. It's helped me immensely. I do have moments of weepiness, where I will start crying at the drop of the hat but it's not necessarily due to anxiety and more to just pregnancy hormones. Luckily, Chad is remarkably understanding. Poor husbands. Haha. 

28 Weeks Pregnant!
I am also more comfortable because I too have done this before. Sure, there are always the unknowns and having a newborn again is terrifying, it's just less stressful. But, ask me that again in a few weeks and I'll probably be shaking in my boots because it will be happening so soon. But currently, I feel fairly confident and possibly capable. Ha! 

And the nesting. Oh how I love the nesting. I write lists and lists and lists of things I want to get done before this little one arrives. Chad has been Mr. Fix It by moving heavy boxes and furniture to fixing laundry doors and picking up dollhouses, fixing bookshelves, and moving things to and fro. We have made so much wonderful progress in just dejunking and making SPACE for this little lady. I could not do it without him. He has blown me away. He can tell that I am nesting and wants to help in any way he can. Bless you, good sir! 

I had a giftcard from Christmas and took some of it to buy the baby some clothes (because we had nothing). And I must say I wasn't completely overwhelmed! In fact I very much enjoyed looking at little girl clothes and got some really cute items. It's been very fun. I have been washing onesies and swaddling blankets and boppy pillows (some items from Geddy when he was a baby. Gender neutral items) and it's been so satisfying. 

Playin' with Dad at the park.
And that about does it. We are already here and only have about 3 months left. It has gone by SO fast. And I am loving it. I say this now because give me a few weeks and I may be a bit miserable (hello walrus waddling around). Got to enjoy it during the easier parts!

And included in this post are some other random pictures. Enjoy!

Happy Tuesday!


P.S. And one of THE most unflattering pictures of me and my squaty pregnant torso but it cracked me up because this perfectly depicts us during Sacrament meeting. Oh church with toddlers. Never a dull moment.