Put a Zipper On It and Call It Good

Pretty Girl

No flowery post today. I went to another incision check this morning and left horribly disappointed. I adore my doctor, he really has been so great. However, there was some major heart sinking when he said that in the 20+ years of doing this, he has never seen an incision take this long to heal. He was at a loss. I drove home crying. So frustrated. I haven't been able to sleep on my stomach (my preference) since 6 months pregnant. I haven't been able to work out. I feel gooey and can't let normal clothing rub or press on my incision. Its still hard for me to sit up on my own for fear that it will burst open (I am sure it wouldn't but it feels weird and I'm paranoid).

It could be so much worse, I realize that but this is my reality. This is my trial. This is my mommyhood "thing". Some things have come so easy for me but this,this has not come easy. Forgive me for complaining, I hate that I do it but I can no longer hold it in. I joked with the Doctor and suggested he install a zipper in its place so the next delivery will be easy. He laughed a little but didn't find it too terribly funny.

He set up a consultation for a Wound Clinic on Thursday. Does that sound horrifying to you? It totally does to me. I am imagining the people who will be in the waiting room at the clinic. I am seeing dirty large men who are on the run and need some help nursing a stray bullet wound. Judgmental much? Possibly. I have just never been to or really heard of a Wound Clinic before.

This all reminds me of something that I have learned in the past 3 months. Everyone has "something". That something they are dealing with or thats making them feel down. And one person's "something" isn't necessarily better than someone else's. They are just different but still hard for whoever is going through it. Ultimately, we all have beef but what doesn't kill us does make us stronger.

If you are going through "something" of your own, I am sympathetic. I know what its like to want to punch a hole in the wall but refrain because you are pretty sure it will hurt your hand more than the wall. You are not alone, even if you feel like you are. And also, it too will pass.

Lastly, I want to say that even though I have griped about this incision, it was totally worth it. If you ask me face to face, I may grit my teeth and force it out but it truly is. I love my son like nothing else and am grateful this is happening to me and not him. If I knew this would have happened before I got pregnant I would have still taken the plunge. I just would have stalked up on more gauze :)

If you are still suffering through this post, thank you. And thank you for the comments and support and jokes. It makes me feel better. It really really does. And thank you Chad. You have been living with a weepy wife who has a weepy incision for 3 months. You deserve a cookie!

Happy Healing Tuesday!


1 comment:

Haley said...

Oh Hil, you are awesome! You have such a great way of laughing things out because sometimes that's all you can do! And you're so right, everyone has something. Just when I think someone's life is perfect, I find out about some difficult trial they're enduring. We just have to build eachother up!