4/26/12

The Wound Clinic Meets Gregory

Note: I hate using this space to be sad and whiny. However, I feel this is also my space to document events in my life and swore to be realistic when blogging. I apologize if you are bored with this whole Gregory thing but its currently a big part of my life (regretfully). If you don't want to know what happened at my first appt at the wound clinic, then kindly close this web window and continue on your day :)

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I woke up this morning to nurse at 6:45 and remembered I had my appointment with the Wound Clinic. My stomach sank. I had no desire to go and have my still tender incision be poked and prodded (yet again). Hurrying, I eat my oatmeal and jump in the shower, still exhausted from staying up too late the night before. Get all dolled up in my sweats and rush out the door.

I have never had issues with hospitals or doctors offices but when I entered the older portion of the hospital, I knew I already hated this place. Following the signs to the "Wound Clinic", I say another prayer. After getting everything set up with the front desk, I wait a short while until my name is called. A young man leads me back to the room where there is a scary looking bed. I sit down on the bed and he begins to take my temperature and blood pressure. He tells me what my temperature was and so to make the situation slightly more pleasant, ask "is that good?" He shortly responds "I'm not at liberty to say". Okay?

After the socially awkward fellow leaves the room, I lie down on the bed and my eyes start to immediately water. I was tired and KNEW thats where the wheepiness was coming from because nothing bad had even happened. I pull it together and wait for a young nurse to enter the room. We review the situation, she of course is in shock that the incision hasn't healed after 3 months and explains that she will look at the wound, take pictures, and measure it. Of course, she says it looks really good and is surprised with someone so young and healthy is having this problem. This doesn't make me feel much better. She begins to poke and tug on the sides of the incision so she can see how deep it really is. Though it has been 3 months, that unhealed portion is still sensitive. It felt like I was being poked with pins repeatedly as she pulled on it.

Confidently, she tells me that it has "really good blood flow, which is a really good sign" as she is throwing away a bunch of freshly bloody gauze. She continues to clean it and my legs go tense with my toes curling because of the discomfort. She explains that they could do the "vacuum" which would mean I would have to come in 3 times a week or they could put some medicated stuff in it and see how that does. Because we switched insurance and insurance companies are sometimes Satan, it may not be covered because this was a "previous problem". I told her lets do the cheaper route first and then see how it heals.

The nurse was incredibly nice and I was actually incredibly nice in return. I feel like being nice to people who are trying to help will encourage them to do an even better job. She leaves the room to get more supplies and my eyes start to water again. As I lie on that scary bed and stare at a picture of a clown fish on the wall, I have a sudden sting of fear. Will this happen every time I have a child? As I get older and have babies, will it become worse? My entire life I have wanted to grow up and be a Mom. I was meant to be a Mom, it has come to me fairly easy and I am pretty good at it but at this moment, I was afraid of doing it again.I questioned doing it again. This was a moment of weakness. This IS a moment of weakness and its lasting longer than a moment. I know I will have more children but I will certainly be waiting until this memory is forgotten or at least becomes foggy.(Though I have been frustrated, I must clarify that I am so in love with my little dude and know all of this is worth it :))

I realized that I must put on my brave trousers and be a big girl. And I will.

Happy Thursday!

Hil

P.S. To the person who honked their car horn right outside my napping baby's bedroom, I give you the middle finger. Its been that kind of week.

4 comments:

Lorin said...

Wait, is Gregory the name of your wound? LOL

So what was the cheaper route? 3 cleanings per week or a dose of medicated stuff? Was it Regranex that the wanted to put in the wound?

I empathize with you - this is a total bummer especially if it recurs with every child - but I also have a sick professional interest in what your treatment is like.

Haley said...

I've been thinking about you today and wondering how you're appointment went. You are awesome, Hil! I totally would have been watery eyed too. I wish I could have been there with you! This is hard, but it will pass and you will grow from it ... atleast that's what I tell myself when Izzy has yet ANOTHER awful night. "I'm meant to grow from this!"

Eliana Smith Designs said...

My dearest Hil!

I actually love that you use this space to be true to your feelings... what you're feeling now in your life. This blog hold tons of honest true moments and thats worth reading every golden word.

Last post you said that we all have a 'something' we're dealing with. I believe it. We all need a place to talk about our 'somethings' and im glad you're willing to share yours with us!

I am so sorry you are still dealing with this wound madness. NOT COOL. I will keep you in my prayers girly!

Gavyn once had a wound on his neck from a stupid tick once. It wouldn't heal at all, for weeks! It was growing too... A trick we found was to expose the wound to air, without its bandages, for 2 to 3 hrs every day. The exposure helped heal it quicker. Im sure you have set rules with yours but its just a thought.

Seriously miss you guys! Don't be afraid to keep posting... i'll keep praying!

Eliana

Chad de Lisle said...

love you boo.