8/31/12

Stay Tremendously Interested and Self Discovery

Print by Lisa Congdon

Julia Child nailed it here. I trust any woman who loves food as much as she did. But this quote got me thinking. The kind of thinking that is messy and like a rain cloud in your brain. Not sure how to organize my thoughts with all of it.

What Julia Child said made me think about my own coming of age story. The point where I really started (I don't know if it will ever be complete) to figure out who I was. The point where I was willing to share my interests even if they are nerdy or weird (it can be scary). Self discovery is a journey, at times, an alarming and surprising one. I have always had certain things down pat like my personal beliefs but there is even more to a human than that.

Even now, I am still so hesitant to delve deeper for fear that I won't do my thoughts justice. I would say that I really started to figure out who I was when I was just turning 20. I was living in Provo with two of my best friends in this horrifying apartment with a few other roommates, some of which were so weird (Oh Suz) and I was on my own and single for the first time in way too long. I would say that I was kind of having a freak out moment in life. I was going to school but didn't know what I wanted to pursue, working retail, staying up til 4 in the morning because I couldn't sleep.

As a teenager, there is always so much pressure to appear a certain way. To like certain things and to think certain things are stupid. I was in the most judgmental crowd for about 2 years and it totally changed me as a person. I grew to dislike myself and was mean to everyone as a defense mechanism (and to those I was mean to, I really am sorry!) Its true. I will be first to admit it. I remember having to hide the fact that I liked listened to hip hop on the radio in my car sometimes. The worst part was I never really felt like I was "in" with these people because I was never cool enough. Ha, oh the funness of being a teen. Such angst.

I had finally gotten out of that "crowd" and it was liberating. Such freedom. Around that same time, I happened to meet the perfect person on my journey of self discovery. Chad. I have never been in a relationship where I could REALLY be myself. Like, admit that I have Ace to Base on my iPod and that my first concert was New Found Glory and MxPx. Or the fact that every now and then, I enjoy a good teen chick flick (I STILL think that Princess Diaries is funny to this very day). AND the fact that I don't like wearing clothes from D.I. or Savers because it weirds me out (I will, however, buy furniture and decor). But Chad didn't care. He thought I was awesome and unique and that it was cool that I was a dog freak. I remember thinking that it couldn't be real. My thoughts were, to quote Liz Lemon, "what's your game friend?" I thought he must be a facade!

But He wasn't. He was all real. He was a fat kid in a skinny persons body who loved Japanese club, classic rock, and Dungeons and Dragons. Again, the word liberating comes to mind. I look back now and roll my eyes at my teen self (I am hoping everyone does that and not just me). How silly I was to care about such nonsense. And why did I stick around people who made me feel so inadequate?

This post is still turning out to be different than expected. Can you tell my thoughts are so so jumbled? You are probably thinking "what does this have to do with the quote? Where is she going with this?"

My reply: "I know right? Its just flowing, keep up."

I want to declare that this self discovery is not recent, its about 6 years old but when I saw that quote, it became fresh in my mind and made me want to share it. AND ultimately, I love how my teenage experience changed me for the better. I am becoming closer to the shining ruby that I am (thats right, I referred to myself as a ruby).

So here is to self discovery! (imagine me raising a glass. No, a gold goblet, with oversized jewels on it!) May it be a journey that lasts a life time. May we all learn new things about ourselves through the eternities!

And a Thank You, to my dearest and most amazing friend, Chad. Anyone who knows you is lucky. And I being the luckiest of all because I got to marry you (eat that Zach :))

Finally, I declare that I hate going to concerts! I hate them! I love music but don't enjoy the large crowds and hot venues. I know, start throwing stones!

Really, this is the final paragraph. Have you had any self discoveries in your life? Do you think self discovery is a lifetime journey?

Happy Self Discovery Friday!

Hil

1 comment:

Haley said...

What a fascinating post. I never knew some of these things about you! Thanks for opening up. I think self-discovery is a lifetime thing. At first, I was the girl who evaluated my self worth from piano. Then I was the girl who drew my self worth from grades. Then I drew my self worth from how many dates I had (soooo shallow). Now ... hmm ... The goal is to draw my self-worth from my God-given divine nature. That's something I am always working on. :)