That Kind of Week

Ohhhhh. This week. Its been a challenge. Mostly, its been my attitude. Chad has had class after work which is really a good thing but that extra time alone with the Little Dude has taken its toll. I love Geddy with every fiber of my being but once it hits about 6:00pm,  we are both tired and ready to be done. Usually, Chad is home and able to wrestle our fellow until we make it to bath time but its just been me and I get worn out. You single Mothers out there, I tip my hat to you. There has been a lot of praying for patience and a lot of "Are you kidding me?" moments. I've felt like a major buzz kill and I feel like I haven't been a #1 Best Mama. And I want to be a #1 Best Mama. But I am confident it will get better.

I have also started to feel like a "project" to certain people. Its the worst feeling ever. I am the type of person where I pull away even more when someone tries to "fix" you with out being asked to. Especially when you don't really know the person. I have a tendency to be really shy in certain situations so when I see someone trying to be a friend only to find out they have alternative intentions really bums me out, in an angry way. Again, lots of praying for a softened heart and lots of sassy "you don't know me" feelings. Come on Hil, you're not 16.

Through this weeks has been challenging I have also had some enlightenment. I know I don't talk very candidly about my faith or religion on this space but it is a daily part of my life. If you don't mind, I would like to share some things with you. If you do mind, then I understand, please pardon this post because its happening.

First off, two nights ago, Geddy woke up so upset at 1:30 am. My good little sleeper doesn't usually wake up for another 4 or 5 hours but I could tell that he wasn't going to go back to sleep on his own. I went in and he was frustrated and needed some help. While I nurse, I usually do my scripture reading for the day. On this particular night, I felt the desire to read a Conference Talk instead (I have that LDS Scriptures app on my phone, love it). I came across the talk from last Conference by Elder Anderson on Children I remember it was one of my favorites. Oh the peace that I felt. The talk was so reassuring, that everything was meant to be. Such relief. My favorite quote was:

I believe he was actually quoting someone else.

The quote made me feel important. Like I was doing something of worth and thats always validating. While browsing Pinterest, I came across this quote by C.S. Lewis:

I thought it too, was nice. This post is turning out to be painfully cheesy, I am well aware but here is one more thing to make you nauseous. During one of my tantrums, Chad and I were discussing something that made me feel overly passionate about something else (I can't actually remember the situation). I got really sassy and probably said something that I felt was morally profound (its been a rough week, not my best), then I felt bad because I was being sassy and asked him if he hated that I did that (confusing much? sorry!) Chad kindly responded:

"If I ever resented you for your moral fabric, then I would no longer be a man worthy of you."

My jaw dropped. At first, I wondered if he was trying to pull a fast one on me and flatter me just to shut me up (I wouldn't blame him) but then I realized he was being entirely authentic and sincere which awed me even more! I seriously thought he was quoting a famous author, this man is talented with words. To say the least, it did shut me up. You're a good man, Chad de Lisle.

And that my friends is all. I'm sorry this post is not the most appealing but again, I have to get real sometimes.

Happy Thursday!



Chad de Lisle said...

*Achievement Unlocked: You are #1 Best Mama

Haley said...

Oh Hil, you are so normal for having days where you wish you could re-do so many moments. We just have to try again tomorrow (which I know you always do)! I love, love, love, the quote by Elder Anderson. I want to paste it all over my house so I will be better at focusing on what matters. And Chad is a wonderful, caring, strong husband. You are a lucky lady.

Jenny said...

I love your honesty. It's been one of those weeks for me too. I'm pretty sure I need a mural-sized copy of Elder Anderson's quote on my wall, preferably flanked by a giant set of "Keep Calm and Carry On" posters.

And remember that Geddy thinks you're #1 best mama regardless of how you feel about yourself (granted, sometimes he'll show his feelings by blowing out of his diaper, but still).