My anxiety comes in waves throughout my life. I will go a time where I am just dandy and the anxiety isn't a focus but then other times, the tough times, it can come full swing. One of the worst times was when I was in my second trimester with Geddy, holy cow, it was insane. My hormones really jacked me up during that time. The last month or so, I have began to really struggle with anxiety again. I contemplate whether to go to a doctor or just keep praying. And praying I do. I know not everyone are prayers but it's really helpful to me, it's a release and a spiritual activity that provides a great deal of comfort (I am into that spiritual stuff).
But today. Today I woke up worry free. I woke up bright and ready to meet the day. I even felt great about the fact that it's our longest day where we only see Chad for small snippets. And it's funny, when I am in a real bout of anxiety, I feel almost unnatural when I have a good day. Like, I almost stop myself and think "I am not worrying, therefore I feel out of place". However, today, as I read my scriptures, I realized that I need to relish these days. I need to ACCEPT the fact that I am not worrying and how dang good it feels. So today is a good day. And I hope that the days to come will be the same. I have faith that they will.
Don't worry now. I am okay. I am still able to get out of bed and do my Mama duties and I feel like I am so lucky. Geddy lights up my life. And I know that my anxiety is a cross that I was meant to bear. It's something that makes me grow and I am getting better at dealing with it.
On another note, I turned to Chad last night and said "the older I get, the more and more I like myself". I felt like that was a profound statement and I was thrilled about it. I have always liked myself but I really am enjoying the person I am becoming. I've been through some crap (we all have) but it's molded me into being the person I want and can become.
So, I hope that everyone else is having an awesome worry free day too. Like my Mom used to say when she would wake me up in high school (and I wanted to throw a pillow at her) "It's a good day to be alive!"
P.S. Thank you Chad, for being everything that I need and more. You're a superhero.